The Jokies

Al Groh

Verse

Some people call me the Chess Master, yeah
Some call me a pilot above
Most fans call me “mow-ron”
Cause I speak, with the pompousness they love

Wahoos whine about me cry babies…

Say I’m doin’ fans wrong, doin’ you wrong

Well don’t you worry ba-bies, don’t worrrrryyyyy

My sweatshirt’s stayin’, right here, right here at home

Chorus

Cause I’m a tricker
I’m a spinner
self lover
just not a winner
Cause we can’t pass and we can’t run

We ain’t hokers
the Tekkie chokers
but we’re ME-DI-O-CRE
I blame the offense on my son
Wooooooo woooooooooo

Verse

This game’s the hardest thing that you ever could dream,

You have to score more points, than the other team

I love to, love to, love to show my brilliance all the time

Check my 2 million dollar crime!

Chorus

I’m a genius,

A football master

I’m not a failure

Or a disaster

The critics said ole Al was done

And now we’re rollin’

We’re in the pollin’

We’re goin’ BCS bowlin’

From winnin’ all our games by one!

Woooooooo wooooooo

Verse

But Hoo fans have to see it re-al-is-tic-ally
Really love the Peach bowl, but we’re stuck in Boise
Mediocre, mediocre, mediocre all the time
Come on Wahoos, seven wins is sublime!

One good year in ten has really got to blow

Cause just like Groundhog Day, six more years of Al Groh!

Oooooooeeeeeeee baby, Hokies Celebrate -

You might not want to let your 8^th grade daughters out late

“I became an airplane pilot so I wouldn’t have to fly with those Arabs, you know…hey, here comes Michael Vick”

Mike Vick

Verse

Some people call me Ron Mexico, yeah

Some call me the gangster they love

Some people, they just call the po-lice (siren sounds)

And charge me with things I’m innocent of

Papers talk about me, baby
Say I’m doin’ so wrong, doin’ so wrong
Well, I don’t worry baby, don’t worrrrryyyy
Cause I light up, light up, light up, light up my bong

Chorus

I’m a  flicker

An airport sinner

A dog lover

A has-been-er

I do my gamblin’ on the run

I’m a toker

I’m a coker,

I’m a pit-bull choker

Electrocution’s really fun

Wooooooo woooooooooo

Verse

I’m the Bad Newz King - you can’t blackmail me!

They really grabbed my peaches, tried to shake down “Mike V”

All my homeys, all my homeys, all my homeys done the crime

They sold me out and now I’m doing the time

Chorus

I’m a smoker,

I’m a toker

So just bring your stoker

My water bottle ain’t got none

Just a distraction

For satisfaction

How ‘bout some canine action?

You prolly wanna bring yo gun

Wooooooo wooooo

Hey everybody - don’t forget to buy you some of my new Nike shoes, don’t get them cheap imitations like “Hotdogs”, or “Hushpuppies” You Get the Real Deal, the one and only, official Michael Vick “Pooch Kicks”!  Yo, here come Coach Beamer!

Frank Beamer

Verse

Some people call me the Slap Daddy, yeah

Some call me Mr. Tough Love

You can call me “Zero Tolerance”

Cause I bench those walk-ons that you’ve never heard of

The “Suits” they talk about me baby,

Say I’m doin’ them wrong, doin’ them wrong

But don’t you worry, don’t worry, don’t worrrrryyyyy mama

With conference titles they just go right along…..

Chorus

I’m a winner

A Groh defeater

I’m a softie

But I’m a beater

So what if half my boys are cons?

Another riot

A little looting

Another drive-by-shooting

Someone will sit out at Akron

Repeat Chorus

Miami’s payin’

So you’re playin’

And that’s the last I’m sayin’

Until the investigation’s done

Another riot

A little looting

Another drive-by-shooting

Someone will sit out at Akron

Wooooo woooooooo!

Verse

Another player tested 

Unbelievable!

That ain’t no STD

You’re just allergic to wool

All the sirens, all the sirens all the sirens all the time

VT football, we’re dis-or-ganized crime

“Welcome to Blacksburg, the only place west of Richmond with a 757 area code…

Virginia Tech football – moving Tidewater to Southwest Virginia, one felon at a time.”